Inspiration Porn
“It’s so amazing what you’ve accomplished!” “You have overcome so much!” “The way you stay positive is so wonderful!” Have you ever been the recipient of statements such as these and noticed that some part of your brain recoils? Why would such seemingly flattering messages lead to vague thoughts and emotions that feel so…yucky?
“Inspiration Porn” is the term given to this phenomenon. Most people who engage in inspiration porn are unaware of it, and many folks who are the subject of inspiration porn remain confused around the emotions they feel about it. That confusion may result from the nature of inspiration porn. At its core, inspiration porn is one thing camouflaged as something else, so it only makes sense that it’s tricky to figure out exactly what’s going on for both the giver and the recipient and perhaps even more challenging to understand the dynamic in the relationship between the two.
First, let’s explore what inspiration porn actually is compared to what it looks like. On the surface, comments in this category look like complements, flattering statements designed to lift up the recipient, let them know they’ve been seen, appreciated, and that they are valuable. Now, for many people this would be difficult enough to receive for many reasons. People often have challenges receiving complements, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. Our focus is on gaining insight around the deeper message being packaged inside inspiration porn. The truth is that, while the person making the statement may have purely good intentions, comments like these are damaging. Inspiration porn statements and attitudes tend to be, deep down, in service to the person offering them, not the person they are directed at. They are usually motivated by a desire to receive something rather than contribute something. As the name suggests, these comments are usually about acquiring a sense of inspiration, elevating one’s view of oneself, feeling more secure and more confident, and more grateful. None of these emotions are bad…a world of more confident and grateful people would be wonderful. So why is it harmful? Because of the cost to the person who is the subject of the comment. They are made to be a resource of inspiration, a repository to be extracted, an object to be manipulated. Inspiration porn robs, to one degree or another, a person with a disability of their humanness, replacing it with objectification.
Recognizing our complex, genuine, and complete emotions when we are the subject of another’s “inspiration” allows us to securely hold onto our humanity. We need not be threatened by inspiration porn or those that enjoy it. We can instead insist, quietly or loudly, that we do not exist to pleasure others without our consent, that our lives are not defined by our challenges, and that being praised for small accomplishments only serves to tell us how little others expect of us. We can reject those implications (and perhaps grieve that they exist). Like everyone else, we too can be proud of what we’re proud of and dismissive of the day-to-day, we can be frustrated with our challenges, and we can strive toward resilience. We can struggle, cry, and swear; we can chill out, laugh, and ponder…just like everyone else. Our struggles do not define us. So long as that is true within us, then inspiration porn loses its power to harm because our objectification is off the table. Our emotions toward those that attempt to acquire inspiration from us are just as valid, but they do not pose a danger to our humanness.
How a person with a disability chooses to respond to inspiration porn will vary based on the boundaries and goals for the relationship. A thoughtful, nuanced conversation might be valuable to bolster an important relationship that’s built on solid foundations;. Or, quietly dismissing the comment along with the commenter might be a better use of resources if the relationship is one that doesn’t warrant investment. Ultimately, the recipient of the inspiration porn gets to decide what type of response is fruitful for them. This autonomy reinforces the dignity and respect they deserve…the same traits that inspiration porn tends to tear down.
If the supplier of the inspiration porn is truly interested in drawing closer, lifting up, and humbly learning, then encountering the honest emotions of the person with a disability will be welcome. If that’s not the case, then the encounter can serve to more clearly reveal the nature of the relationship and the person making the comment. Either way, the person with the disability can leave the encounter feeling whole, safe, and fully human.